ShutUpJohn!

Step by step instructions on how to host your own radio show.

1. While Morning Edition is wrapping up, look up today’s This Day in History and see if anything strikes you as interesting to use as the theme for the day.
2. Use the computer to search the KUT music library to find any music that mentions your little factoid in the title of the song, or the name of the artist, or the producer, or the label. Just do a search on “all fields.”
3. Announce today’s theme and play any songs that have the theme in their title, no matter how stupid, ancient or ear-splitting the music may be.
4. Plug your blog.
5. Announce the weather and insert your opinion on the forecast. Oh, if you don’t feel like it don’t bother reading the entire forecast.
6. Announce Today’s Birthdays
7. While the NPR news update is running, use the computer to search the KUT library for any songs that are performed or written by anyone with the same first name as one of the people who has a birthday today.
8. Plug your blog.
9. Play all the songs by people with the same first name as someone with a birthday today. Don’t be constrained by any relationship between the music and certainly don’t worry if the music is horrible because you don’t have to listen to it! Just unplug your headphones and continue searching the KUT music library. Let your mind wander. Queue up any songs where you can make any kind of simple-minded relationship.
10. Describe that you have a post on your blog that mentions someone that also has the same first name as some famous person with a birthday today!
11. Play the NPR news update
12. (optional) Interview a musician/band and make sure the musician and everyone listening understand just how much you know about music. Let the band play and be sure to explain how much you liked that one part where they go “bum bubba bum bum bum ratta tat tat bum” just like in this other song you love.
13. Darn, still another hour or so to go
14. Plug your blog
15. Put the KUT music computer on “random” and pretend you had a little random theme going there… Don’t worry, all listeners with half a brain have already changed the station, just make something up!
16. Complain about the weather
17. Play the NPR news update
18. Done!

See? You can be a radio institution as well!

Update this list in comments and see how well you remember John’s shtick.